Where are all these gray areas coming from?

Things are not as simple as they used to be

I feel my whole life has become a giant gray area

Where nothing is simple, all the lines have blurred together and one cannot tell

Where things went right and where things went wrong.

What happened to the black and whiteness of life?

Whose idea was it to introduce the gray concept in life?

So much seems to turn for the worst when things are unclear

Minds are restless

Hearts are broken

Souls are taken.

Gray needs to be removed from the palette of life.

Then we will be free from this torment.

Whenever you’re losing, you could simply stop playing,

Deal again,

And start over.

I don’t think I can do this.

Before I thought I could, but now that it’s time

I simply cannot do this.

I go to the front, and turn around to face them

All my words are lost.

I open my mouth to speak the words that I thought were still in my mind

But those words are no longer there.

I stumble in the blankness of my head, hoping to find those words

But they still are not there.

After what could may have very well been an eternity passes, I end the awful battle.

I manage a weak smile, shrug my shoulders, and leave as quickly as possible.

I want to run home, run somewhere; go to a place as far away as I can get

I never want to do this again, I’ve always hated doing this, but they just don’t seem to care or understand.

No matter what I do

I can never seem to make a good enough choice

Or even the right one.

Ever.

I’m trying to figure out why I have this problem

Maybe my brain is broken.

Or maybe everything about me is broken.

Yeah, that’s it.

I’m trying to be “not broken”

But it doesn’t seem to work.

I keep praying to be fixed and put back together

I guess all I can do is keep praying and hope for an answer.

My feet become glued to the very ground I stand on make it impossible to leave.

The words I hear are a poisoned arrow through my heart,

They pull at me from both sides, tearing me apart.

I thought I could see the horizon through the stormy sea,

But my eyes were betrayed, and instead the sea has swallowed me.

I fight my way to the surface only to be sucked down by the current of the choppy waters,

When a hand reaches out and says, “Come here, you are safe now my daugher.”

I took a long, hard look at what was reflected back at me,
After awhile I realized that’s not who I wanted to be.
I want to be back in a place where I can truly be proud of myself
I want to end this awful chapter, close the book, and put it on the shelf.

I want to begin anew with confidence in who I am,
Not changing because of what others say or want me to be.

I know in my heart I can be better, and the changes will be good for me
I will be back in the place where I know who I am, back to where I should and always will be.